Looking for Humorous Real Estate Instagram Captions as a Realtor?

Ankita Kamat

Funny real estate Instagram captions will make you think about real estate in a humorous way. So, let’s add fun to your real estate business through funny quotes.

After observing the realtor’s life, I have dug out the humour in their life which I’ve expressed in my current blog through captions.

Funny Real Estate Instagram Captions

103 Funny Real Estate Instagram Captions that Spark Your Humour and Increase Sales

Let’s enjoy reading funny realtor captions-


You don’t need a google map when you are with me. As a realtor, I love to take you to the right destination.


I’m at your service 24*7 as a realtor. But while having food and using the bathroom please excuse me!


I have stopped saying to my clients, “Services beyond the sale”. Thank god, now buyers don’t invite me in cleaning houses.


I’m a smart neighbourhood Realtor. If I don’t like my neighbours, I convince them to change their house.


No more worries, no more hassles, extra smoothness in the act is guaranteed. No, I’m not selling a condom. I’m selling a house.


Are you looking for more space to spread out? No, No, I’m not talking about your bed. I’m talking about a house.


The best month to buy a house is between January and December.


“Why are you wasting your money in buying properties?” – asking this question to a real estate person is equal to asking a teenager, “Why are you wasting your money in buying condoms?”


I’m ready to clean the houses of sellers that too for free of cost because my clients love clean houses -Struggling Real Estate Agent


I can help you get a romantic house where you can have fun with your partner without any disturbance.


Do you know which is the favourite word in the realtor’s dictionary? – “SOLD”


I go out of my way to give you the best house. No, I’m not proposing you for marriage, I’m proposing you the deal as a realtor.


I need someone in my life to shout ‘yayyyyyy’ with her whenever I sell a house. It’s a dream of every realtor.


I understand the special needs of a woman and I can fulfil all the desires. Yes, I can show you the best houses in your budget.


When I reach my home, I almost forget where’s my bedroom and where’s the bathroom because I’m a real estate broker. Daily I visit new houses with my clients. Uffff, so much confusion.


I know you will fall in love with me when I help you to get the best dream house. But let me tell you that I’m a married realtor.


I have thousands of dream houses, not for me but for you. That’s why I identify myself as a realtor.


If you buy a car at the age of 18 then you can go for a long drive with your girlfriend. But if you buy a house then you can live in with your girlfriend. Think about the extra benefits of having your own house.


If you just do one thing then the beachside cottage can be yours. What’s that one thing? Call me, I’m ready to be your real estate agent.


If you are not able to unlock your home door then call me, I can get you a new house. I’m your realtor.


I can be your parachute and make you fly from the 9th floor to the 1st floor easily. Hire me as your realtor.


Acres of land may sound costly but remember I will give you ‘acres of satisfaction’ free along with land.


There are 12 important things that you must do to sell your house at the best price. The first one is, ‘call me’. Then I will handle the other 11 things as I’m a realtor.


After finalising the deal if you think that you could find and buy this house without my help, then I say- I can give you the contact number of the psychologist.


I help John to get William’s house and I help William to get him Ander’s house and then I help Ander to get him  John’s house because I’m a real estate broker.


I love shifting people from one house to another as I’m in the real estate field.


I’m a very intelligent person, I can tell you quickly about how many houses are vacant in the city. That’s why I’m in the real estate field.


I have been sitting beside my phone the whole day, just waiting for one phone call from a special person to hear ‘Yes’. Your girlfriend?? No Man, a phone call from my client. I’m a realtor and have spent $5 on Facebook ads.


If you really want me to sell your house quickly then please hide the clothes, dishes and all the other things when I take photos of your house.


I’m the funniest realtor. Hire me to get entertained, getting the best house is a bonus for you.


At your house, you can dance like no one is watching. Hire me, I will get you a house.


I bring you the largest space if you have a large wallet.


You look so pretty but you don’t really have a good background to click good selfies. Let’s change your house.


I’m looking for a girlfriend who can understand realtors’ jokes.


Real estate field is like a bean bag. Flexible, comfortable, won’t hurt your bum and back if you make your position properly in the beginning.


If you don’t get succeeded in selling your house, you don’t need to try it again. You can just hire me.


| Just Sold Captions for Instagram to Multiply Sales |

Real Estate Funny Captions for Buyers, Sellers and Agents


Do you know every day I enjoy going to new houses. I’m a real estate broker so.


I want to see only one word in my dictionary, ‘SOLD’. – Struggling Realtor


If you are a writer I have a peaceful house for you. If you are a naughty youngster, I have a happening house for you. If you are interested in thrill and adventure then I have a haunted house for you! Well, I can act like a realtor and a ghost at the same time.


Hire me as your ‘key’ because I close your old door and help you unlock a new door. Yes, I can be your key, I can be your real estate agent.


I’m a full-time psychologist, full-time matchmaker, full-time artist. Yes, I’m a real estate agent, an all-in-one service provider.


I work during my free time as well and I get 24 hours of free time. It’s the life of an established realtor.


I’ve bought so many properties immediately after reading a quote on the internet – “90% of all millineries become so through owning real estate.” And now I’ve stopped reading any quotes online.


I have a lot of common sense that’s why I’m able to earn more in real estate even during bad economic situations.


I know how to open new doors. No, no, I’m not the owner of the lock service centre, I’m in the real estate field.


I give emotional security to people. Am I a phycologist? No, I’m a realtor who helps people to get a house that soothes their emotions.


If you are looking for a romantic partner who is a phycologist, good house-maintainer, deal-breaker, matchmaker, good communicator, then you must approach a realtor.


You can expect high standards from me. In return, I expect a high budget from you.


I turn houses into ‘happy homes’ by shifting people into vacant houses.


I’m a magical person who shifts you from your current home to a new house. Hire me if you want to experience this magical moment in your life.


I help you have your dream house. I help you to set up your new house in a good area. I will take care of your all needs that you want at your house. Who am I? Spouse?? No, I’m your realtor.


I know how to break the doors because I’m a real estate agent. I broke the doors of sellers’ houses to show the house to my clients when the seller forgot to give me the keys.


I can decrease or increase the size of your house. No, I’m not a civil engineer, I’m a realtor.


You can do whatever the hell you want to do at your new house. Get your freedom house in your budget.


I can sell your property immediately if you are ready to pay me immediately after the deal.


I’m your ‘The Realtor Next Door’.


Your home’s key is in my pocket. Hire me to get your key.


Dear buyers, I offer you ‘beyond the sale’ service. But this does not mean that you should invite me to clean your house.


Dear past clients, you can reuse me again to buy new houses. I have not added the ‘use and throw’ feature to my service.


Real estate is fun. Only for those who know how to smile when a buyer rejects the deal at the last moment.


Real Estate is my 9-5 job. And then again it’s my 5-3 job. And again it’s my 3-9 job.


Two minutes looks like 2 hours when I can’t find the switchboard to switch on the light in the kitchen and my clients wait.


My sad story as a realtor is- My wife talks about our bedroom and my mind thinks, “Which type of bedroom Mrs. Williams will like?”


After selling your house quickly if you that I’m an overpaid realtor, then let me tell you that you have hired an expert.


My reply as a realtor to my clients with a really low budget is, “I had a house in your budget but I sold that in 1985”.


People walk to find the house to buy but I run and find that house before people get there. That’s why I’m a realtor.


Refer me to your friends. And I will try my best to get them the best houses in your area so that you and your friends can hang out regularly.


Don’t approach me as your realtor if your heart is weak because I show you such amazing houses that your heartbeat will increase.


Do you know, not all houses are created equal? So, my point is not all houses cost you the same.


When my clients say, “Let’s meet right now”, I get superman’s energy and I will be there in front of my client within the next 5 minutes.


I’ve heard that you are finding a house alone? That’s very boring. Let me help you to make your journey colourful.


One confusion every realtor has, “Does weekend really exists in the world?”


When my clients irritate me, I try to hide my middle finger.


I create interest to buyers interest that’s how I earn. – The Secret of Millionaire Realtors


I don’t sell acres of land, I sell you acres of satisfaction that you get after buying from us.


I touch the house and land. Then what? It becomes money. That’s the magic I create as a realtor.


I don’t waste your time by showing bad houses initially in a hope that you will buy. Instead, I directly show you the house that you really like.


I may not be the number 1 property advisor in the city but I will treat you like my number 1 client, it’s a promise of a realtor.


I always give a piece of cake to the buyer along with a piece of land. Contact me for all the details.


What’s the most important thing realtors’ need to earn more in real estate? It’s common sense.


You don’t need to pay me extra as a tip. You can just refer me to your friends and I can earn more.


When I ask my clients to close their eyes and imagine living in this house, they end up closing deals. This is how I sell more houses.


The real estate agent that you have hired was asking me the tips to sell the house quickly. Now I feel like I’m the boss of all realtors.


I had a bad day. I went to show a house to my client and there I used a washroom. But I forgot to flush.


The smile on my face looks weird when I see that my client has brought the entire family to show the house.


Hey girl, hire me. I will get you a house, which is surrounded by ice-cream parlours and beauty parlours.


The Realtor has all the answers except for his wife’s question, “When will we go for a vacation?”


The one question from a seller before the listing that makes a new realtor cry is – “How many homes have you sold in this area?”


| Best Closing Day Captions for Realtors |

The Funniest IG Captions About Realtors

Imagine the situation of these captions, LOL-


Buyer: I want an isolated house, far away from the city.

Real estate agent: Do you mean, haunted place?


Realtor: No more worries, no more hassles, extra smoothness in the act is guaranteed.

Buyer: Are you selling a house or are you selling a condom?


Realtor: Now I feel I can be a psychologist as I have dealt with thousands of clients’ psychology.

Realtor’s friend: I feel you need a psychologist.


Realtor: So beautiful, so solid, so artistic.

Lady client: Thank you!

Realtor: Ohh sorry, I was actually talking about this house.


Buyer: I want a pool, car parking, etc at my new house in my budget.

Real Estate Agent: What’s your budget?

Buyer: $100

Real Estate Agent: I have the best house for you but currently the seller is on a vacation for 5 years so can’t proceed with the deal.


Buyer: I want an isolated house which is far away from city noise and life. But everything should be nearby like the market, mall etc.

Realtor: Sorry, I’m not a phycologist or Physiatrist.


Realtor’s friend: I’m feeling alone. I broke up with my girlfriend. I’ve so many memories of her.

Realtor: Don’t feel lonely. I’m with you. If her memories are disturbing you here in this house then I can help you get a new house. You can have a new girlfriend and create new memories in a new house.


Realtor’s son: Dad, what’s your job?

Realtor: I buy houses and I sell.

Realtor’s son: Ohh! Like mum get gifts from others and sell secondhand.


Realtor’s friend: I don’t like my neighbours.

Realtor: Really? Then I can help you buy a different house. You will get new neighbours.


Realtor: I can fulfil your desires, needs and dreams.

Realtor’s female friend: Come, let’s go inside the room.

Realtor: Room? I was talking about your dream house. Let’s go to the site.


Buyer: I want a new house that should be like heaven.

Realtor’s mind: I’m still alive so I have no idea about heaven. Do realtors exist in heaven too?

Realtor: Sure, sure. I will show you the heaven on the earth.


Realtor’s friend: I want to lose weight but I feel it boring to go for a walk or exercise.

Realtor: I’m your best friend. I can solve your problem by helping you get a new house on the top floor in a building without a lift facility.


Realtor’s daughter: Dad, how did you learn the art of selling houses?

Realtor: Your mum taught me this art.

Realtor’s daughter: Really?

Realtor: Yes. She used to sell her all my gifts secondhand that she did not like.


Seller: How many houses have you sold in this area?

Real Estate Agent: I’ve sold 5 houses in South Carolina, 2 in Colorado…

Seller: I’m asking you about this particular area.

Real Estate Agent: Ammmm… I will sell sir. I will.


Buyer: I want the best house but currently I don’t have more money to buy.

Agent: I want to sell the best house to you but currently the seller is on a vacation.

| Female Realtor Quotes |

I hope you have enjoyed reading these funny real estate Instagram captions. There is a lot of humour in realtor’s life.

Ankita Kamat

I'm Ankita Kamat, the creator of Frugal Beat, a blog dedicated to frugal living. Join me in exploring practical ways to save money, reduce waste and live a purposeful life. Let's embrace frugality as a lifestyle together.